Waiting to find out what happens at 4am
The invisible hour
Comes and goes like the blooming of a flower
Do you think of me?
I’m choking this non menthol down and wondering what else I could be doing
Why is the world such a mystery?
Nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing feels any different.
I’m writing this damn poem in hopes some other lost soul is writing one too. I hope it’s you
I finished my smoke
I need to sleep
Something is stopping me
They say that when you’re awake while no one else is, someone is dreaming of you.
I know it’s not you
It could be her
But not you
Why is it never you?
My thoughts are spinning
The birds are chirping
I’m all alone and no one cares
I have no friends
Or is it too many of both?
Either way no one cares until it reflects on them
My head hurts
I just started crying
Sitting on the wet ground I wonder if I will ever matter to anyone
If one day someone will cry over me
I doubt it.
Why does no one ever care about what happens to me?
I’ve never felt the warmth of someone’s touch
Or knew that they were smiling because they made me smile
I’ve never been in a relationship, so why does everyone ask me for advice?
Why am I even writing this?
I hate thinking
It makes me miserable
I become aware of the fourth car that just drove by and I wonder if they’re heading home from a long day at work trying to support the ones they requitedly love, or if they’re coming back from a party after failing to receive love once again
This just became another love poem.
Why do they always turn into love poems?
I don’t even know if love exists yet I keep writing these damned love poems
I’ve stopped crying
Did I ever start crying or did the rain hit my face again?
I don’t even know what it’s like to cry
I get over intense crushes the day after being shut down
Why am I always shut down?
Why can’t I let someone love me?
These thoughts won’t stop flowing
I need to sleep but my body won’t let me
Maybe that Monster was a bad idea
Maybe this whole night was a bad idea
No it wasn’t
I finally got to leave my house even if it was for a few hours
Why do I want to leave my house so badly?
Why do I feel so contained all of the time?
Am I just a caged bird or am I a flight risk?
Hammer the locks down deeper in order to make sure I stay in line
I can never stay in line
Why must I hurt everyone who begins to give a damn about me?
I’m lighting my second cigarette
It burns my throat
I like the feeling
I have water but I don’t deserve it
2 graham crackers, half a chocolate chip muffin, and two tablespoons of sunbutter
Why am I not hungry?
I don’t want to be hungry
I’m so fat I want to explode.
Why does everyone insist on calling me pretty?
Don’t lie to me
It only makes me feel worse
The birds are getting louder
It’s starting to rain
It’s not until you sit outside and write your thoughts down, do you truly realize how alone you are.